The lotus and the sea ...

Something happen to me a few weeks back and has helped me come into perspective of some aspects in my life.

The details are not important so I am not going to bore you guys from my long rants.

In a nutshell, I have come to a conclusion that I am happy.

Simply happy.
No particular reason one or other.

It does not mean, that bad things are not happening around me.
It does not mean that I have found a cure for human malice.
It only means that I found a way to embrace it all within me and still be able to laugh.

Technically speaking, I did not "find" a way.
The way found me.

As I was going through layers and layers of physical pain, something happen at the back of my conscious mind that somehow took all the pain away and left me with an ability to deal with it without cracking.

It just happened.
I don't know how.
I don't understand why.
Only that it did.
And now I can look at pain and not get incapacitated by it.

That also gave me the ability to look back at all the things that I did with a calm and peaceful demeanor.

Not all of them were good, as I made my share of mistakes.
Most of them I made without thinking.
Some of them I made with no knowledge.
But mistakes none the less.
Mine forever to bear.

So my apologies to those who will read this.
There is no excuse for whatever actions that I made which have caused you hurt.
And I sincerely apologize for that.
As I am not seeking for forgiveness nor understanding, it is fair to say that what I am doing now is more of a statement rather than a request.

So if I have in one way or another cause you to feel pain, please let it go from your heart and forgive a man for his actions done. But most of all, let go of that anger which you might still carry with you, as I am not worth the pain that it brings into your life.

Whatever flaws which I might have, the one thing that I do live by is that I will not intentionally bring harm to another. And that anger which I planted into you is something that I do not wish upon any human being.

Let it go.
I am not worth it.
That anger will only give you more pain and sadness.
And I apologize again for that action.

A wise man once thought me that there is no hurt more painful than that which we hurt ourselves in anger. When we go angry, it is our soul which we hurt and our body which we burn with it.

So don't let anger seep into your life.
Especially if the cause of it is from a person like me.
It really is not worth it.